Marriage in Modern America
Written by Mark Harris on April 3rd, 2006Cross posted at our theological blog, Areopagus Blog
From National Review’s The Corner:
WOMEN WHO MAKE THE WORLD NAUSEATED [JPod]
You want to see a perfect example of the contradictions of the post-feminist era? Take a look at the Bridal Blog hosted by the New York Observer. Here we have self-assured, I-have-a-career, I-would-never-take-my-husband’s-name New York women going on and on and on about how big their engagement ring is, how much stuff they got at their bridal showers, and in general carrying on with a kind of open, unabashed, and amazing crass materialism that would have been anathema to their own, presumably less enlightened mothers and grandmothers. It’s pretty interesting.
I could not help but post on this topic, because I think it has to be one of the biggest cultural problems in our society. We no longer view marriage, children, or for that matter life in the traditional prism of religion and progeny that we used to. For too many a spouse, children, and families are accesories to obtain and then flaunt to those around you.
This has a lot to do with the rise of careerism and late marriage, but on the whole it seems to have its root causes in the me-too generation that has exploded. I am interested what young conservatives think of the issue?
3
PM
First off, I don’t know that I qualify as a “young conservative”. I am still pretty young, and on some issues, I tend towards conservative, but I don’t fit the archetype to the letter (if such a type exists).
That said, I agree with your argument to some extent, though I think I would have agreed more enthusiastically 4-5 years ago. My personal experiences in those intervening years have a lot to do with this change of heart.
There is definitely a lot of selfishness out there, and competition to acquire, obtain, showcase. I don’t think anyone will argue with that. I think that people have always been selfish though, and ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ isn’t a new trend.
Now, as for the question of late-marriage, I will object a bit. There is nothing inherently wrong with pursuing one’s career. Mind you, I used to deride selfishness much more when I was younger, because I was marriage and family-minded. I was also an educated woman who intended to pursue meaningful, gainful employment for at least the better part of my adult life, though I didn’t have a clear career path just yet.
If a younger person is ready to get married and even start a family, and has the maturity and resources to do so, then by all means she ought to. But I believe it can be just as much of a mark of maturity to recognize that one is not yet ready to make this commitment. People can label it selfish, and they might be right. Is it not better that these individuals recognize that they are not yet ready to undertake these responsibilities, and not opt into them at an early age? Some people are just downright selfish and always will be, but for others, they may only be doing what they feel is best so that they can uphold the promises of marriage and the responsibilities of child-rearing from a more secure, mature position a few years down the road.
People live pretty long nowadays. Barring unforseen circumstances, they’re looking at spending the next several decades with a partner. Shouldn’t they be confident and comfortable with their choice, giving the institutions of marriage and family due respect? For some people, can’t waiting a bit longer speak to this intention?
Some people aren’t ready for the responsibility at a younger age. In these cases, might it be better to wait than to dive in early, figure out a few years down the road that it might not have been the best choice, and then have a bigger legal/financial/spiritual/religious/social/familial mess on their hands.
3
PM
I didn’t mean this to be a huge advocation (is that even a word?) for early marriage, but more how we view marriage as like a nice accesory wiht children accesories for your life.
3
PM
Well, what better to dress up and trot about when you get tired of small dogs?
(I kid. Seriously.)